


I've Got You

by KilljoyNephilim



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Axl isn't in a good place, Desperate Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Loving Duff, M/M, Other, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24893986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KilljoyNephilim/pseuds/KilljoyNephilim
Summary: Everything was okay on tour.Till someone from Axl's past shows up.
Relationships: Duff McKagan/Axl Rose
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	I've Got You

_Don't show it, you're not safe yet._

The small voice in his head repeated it again - for what felt like the millionth time in the few steps he'd taken from the lobby to the lifts. The footsteps echoed around him, growing louder and louder. He bit his lip.

_Don't let him see it. He'll know he won. Again._

Axl swallowed a whimper. He felt pathetic. He felt like the weak little boy that ran away from Indiana to Los Angeles all those years ago. He felt the same fear bubbling inside him as he saw Stephen again from the corner of his eye; the same fear that shot through him every day when he lived at... Not 'Home', that place could never be his home. He choked back another whimper as a wave of rage crashed over him. He let out a scream, grabbing a chair and flinging it at Stephen. _He_ had the power now. _He_ was the star. And he was going to prove himself. His eyes clouded over - he was on autopilot. He sprinted back, feeling every bit of rage, humiliation and pain he felt his entire life and packing it into a single punch, swinging his fist.

He felt a brief moment of superiority - finally, _finally_ he had the final say in this. Finally, he was the stronger one. He was, at last, better off.

It came crashing down just as fast. Stephen swung his fist, knocking him to the ground. And _just like that_ , Axl was twelve again - feeling like a pathetic, weak, whimpering mess on the floor, alone against his worst nightmare, jerking as Stephen's foot repeatedly connected with his side. He curled into a ball, tightly, choking back tears as he waited for the agony to end. Everyone was just watching, nobody was helping – just like things were growing up. His hair covered his face as his lower lip trembled. He refused to let himself cry. He wouldn't let him win. Not again, after so many years of it. He'd run away so it would _stop._ He couldn't take it anymore, after fourteen years of living with Stephen in Lafayette. He'd only just gotten his freedom, and it was crashing down just as fast. Within seconds he went from the singer of a rock band who'd just sold _over a million albums_ to the person who ran away - scared, just trying to survive and not break down.

And he felt a surge of pure rage shoot through him again. 

He grabbed the foot just before it connected with him again, yanking on it and crawling back to his feet. 

"You don't have any fucking power over me. Not anymore."

The truth couldn't be further away from that. Axl was still helpless. He still felt vulnerable. He bit the inside of his lip, sprinting away to the nearest fire escape. 

He exhaled once he was alone, feeling everything, all at once and putting on his usual stony expression, climbing up the fire escape and onto the third floor, walking silently along the hallway. Don't think, don't feel - it's what worked for him. He kicked the wall, staring at the ground as he walked, just trying to process without feeling anything. He felt hot tears pool up in his eyes - they burned without falling. He couldn't let them fall. Not yet. He wasn't fully alone, someone could see – Stephen, or his manager, or _worse_ a bandmate. 

He stared at the ground as he walked, stiffening each time he heard people in the rooms around. He wasn't even looking, just walking.

Someone bumped into him.

"Axl?" came Duff's confused voice. Axl looked up, poker face still on. 

Before he could say anything, he felt Duff's arms around him - holding him close to himself. He stiffened, his face pressed against Duff's shoulder. His arms tensed at his sides, as Duff just held him in his arms.

"What's going on, man?" Axl just inhaled deeply; he couldn't say anything. He _wouldn't_ say anything. He had to remain calm, at least till he was alone.

Of course, his mouth never listened to his brain. The whimper that came out of it seemed almost alien to him; as did the sudden loosening of Duff's arms. He frowned. Duff always liked holding people - him, Slash, Steven, even Izzy. 

"Sorry, probably not the best time," Duff mumbled, letting go of Axl.

Axl momentarily relaxed, but only marginally. Everything flooded through him, all at once. He stepped forward, throwing his arms around Duff and clutching onto him, burying his face in his neck and unable to hold back his tears anymore. He cried silently, his tears falling onto Duff's tank top as he just hugged back, silently letting Axl cry, slowly opening his room door again and taking Axl inside, knowing how uncomfortable Axl got when he was 'exposed'.

Duff was worried about Axl, not just because of his crying but because he'd seen Stephen - he didn't know much, but he did know that growing up around Stephen was traumatizing for Axl. He just held Axl in his arms, letting him cry while comfortingly rubbing his back. Axl's heart was racing, his entire body was shaking and he was sobbing uncontrollably at this point. Duff's heart clenched - Axl was an ass, but he couldn't bear to see his friend like this. He held Axl close to himself, letting him bury his face in his shoulder as he started hyperventilating, clutching onto him for dear life. 

He didn't want to ask him anything. Not now, when he was this vulnerable. There was very little that hurt him enough for him to cry. Destroy things? Sure. Hurt others? Duff had seen it. But his _crying_ like this was a completely different thing. Axl had shrunk in on himself, practically hiding in Duff's arms. He sighed; he hated seeing him in pain. He wrapped his arms around Axl protectively, sitting down on the bed with him and not saying a word. Axl was shaking, clearly trying to remain ‘strong’.

“Let it out. You’ve held it in too long, Rose,” He mumbled against his head, slowly stroking his hair. He felt him take in a deep breath, letting out a loud sob. Tears were streaming freely down his face now; you could feel the pain radiating off him.

It came off in waves – every few seconds, it died down before starting to peak again. Axl hid his face, now red and blotchy, in Duff’s neck as he sobbed, too weak to hold onto his friend as tightly as he’d have liked to.

“I’ve got you,” Duff mumbled, trying not to tear up himself. “It’s okay, Axl, you’re not alone anymore. You’re never going to have to deal with that shit alone again. Okay? I promise. I don’t know what happened but I’ve got your back, okay Rose?”

Another loud sob escaped Axl’s mouth – this time a sob of relief. He inched closer to him, nodding against his shirt, relaxing a bit against him but still shaking, whimpering so much he was unable to form any words. His face was streaked with tears as he finally mustered the strength to lift his head from Duff’s shoulder, looking up at him.

There was an almost child-like vulnerability on his face – one he hadn’t noticed. Duff cupped his face in one hand, wiping away a tear with his thumb and slowly stroking his cheek. He hid his face in Duff’s hand, tensing up for a second before softly kissing it. Duff held him tightly, pulling him closer to himself and placing a kiss on the top of his head.

Neither of them said a word – Duff just held Axl in his arms; Axl just curled up against Duff’s chest.


End file.
